Say Nothing and Be An Effective Communicator

I’m sure you have heard it said before, “the foundation of any great relationship is Good communication.’ It doesn’t matter who we are communicating with our partner, family, friends, clients or customers, when communication goes wrong it can get ugly fast.

More than likely

On a daily basis most of us would have a communication mishaps of one kind or another. It could be anything from our partner who even though they may have acknowledged and responded at the time, never actually heard us say that we wouldn’t be home for dinner, or a staff member who whether they didn’t understand the task or wasn’t paying close enough attention. It can be very irritating and we may even question are we actually speaking the same language.

Miscommunication can occur for several reasons. Firstly and I first learnt about this when doing my life coach and success coach training with Chris Howard, is that our actual words that we say only attribute to approximately 7% of our communication. The listener hears the word itself but has their own interpretation of the meaning of the word. 38% is contributed to our tonality as the tone, volume and accent are all important to the listener. 55% is contributed to our body language. The visual way a speaker looks can dramatically enhance the listeners understanding.  Then secondly a large percentage of people, never actually completely hear all of what is being said to them.


Most of the time…

When we are listening to someone we are trying to either…

  1. Think about how we are going to respond even though they haven’t finished speaking yet.
  2. We may be paying attention to something else going on.
  3. Be preoccupied with something else that is going on for them in their private life.
  4. We will start to try to solve the problem by going into solution mode before they have even finished speaking.
  5. In a rush to do something else.

“The most important thing in communication is to hear what is being said.” – Peter Drucker

Being mindful

Be fully present in the every moment especially when others are talking to us. Hold the intent to start truly listening to what people are actually saying to you. When you do this you will be amazed by what you not only hear, also by what you may learn.

Practice makes perfect…

The first step to building good rapport and great relationships is having effective listening skills. Begin practising and sharpening your listening skills with those around you and just see what you may discover. Most likely you will be delighted in how all your relationships improve significantly.

Some quick tips to remember…

    1. Be fully present in every conversation. Before responding, pause and fully consider what someone has actually said to you before you reply.
    2. If you are not sure what someone is saying, ask them for more information or to explain further.
    3. Ask questions. When we ask questions we demonstrate our genuine interest in a person and what they have said.
    4. Remember there are no stupid questions, only those which go unanswered.

Francesca Vinci

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